Cogito ergo Deus est
Did you just poop the bed?
6 word story.
Did you-? Is that-? You didn’t-?
6 word story.
Oh God, what is that smell?
6 word story.
Is the Bible infallible?

People make a big fuss about the word ‘infallible’ when describing the Bible, and most Christians’ first instinct is that the Bible, as God’s word, must be ‘infallible’. But what does that mean? Infallible in what sense? Physically? Historically? Mathematically?

As an example, there is a passage in 1 Kings where the value of Pi is given to be exactly 3, which most of us should know is wrong. How can this be, if the Bible really is infallible?

One could present a lot of answers, but the most logical is that the Bible does not aim to be a maths textbook, and hence shouldn’t be treated as an authority on maths.

So why then do so many Christians insist that the Bible is an authority on science? Science as we know it wasn’t developed until over 1000 years after the Bible was written. Really, we should expect the Bible to be as accurate a science textbook as it is a car manual. Yet still people insist that, where we meet contradictions, we should take the Bible’s word over that of scientific evidence.

The truth is that the Bible, if making any claims, can only claim to be spiritually and religiously infallible, because its purpose is primarily to be a spiritual and religious document.

After all, a contradiction with scientific evidence is just a contradiction with another of God’s works - one that has much less room for interpretation.

If 97% of scientists agreed a large meteor, like that which killed the dinosaurs, was going to hit Earth and produce a catastrophic dust cloud that would change the climate, people would appeal to the government to act fast and prevent disaster.

If 97% of scientists agreed on man-made climate change, people would deny it because it rained yesterday.

How do we define gender?

Here’s my problem:

There is a movement on Tumblr and in the real world, that says boys can wear dresses and girls don’t have to wear make-up or do ‘girly’ things if they want.

There is also a movement that states things such as ‘Some girls have penises’ and ‘Some boys have vaginas’.

Most importantly, a bunch of people subscribe to both. That is, they believe simultaneously that, say, you don’t have to dress or act like a woman to be a woman, and you don’t need to have a vagina or breasts to be a women.

My question is, if you believe both*, what is the definition of a woman? If you can’t define a woman by the way she appears, acts or by the genitals she has, what is left?

An answer I would expect is that ‘Identifying as a woman means you’re a woman’. But that can’t work; you can’t have the word ‘woman’ in the definition of ‘woman’. It’s circular reasoning. The same goes for ‘man’. So what is it that people can identify with that lets them know they are in fact a woman?

Seriously, does someone have an answer to this question: does holding those beliefs simultaneously not destroy the definition of woman/man?

*I don’t necessarily agree or disagree with either view, I just think they appear mutually exclusive.

Anyone who starts a sentence with “The Bible says…” has already shown that they don’t understand what the Bible is, and the rest of the sentence should be treated with the same respect as anything that comes after “I’m not racist/sexist/homophobic, but…”

I think this is my 101st post. I haven’t posted in months because I moved and and got married and it’s awesome.

I finally decided to put the effort I was putting in to Tumblr into something better. I’m still going to use this, but lazily like the rest of you.

How To Get A Thigh Gap

Let me start by categorically stating that, as far things go that makes sense to my head-logic, the thigh-gap sensation ranks somewhere between The Happening and Nicki Minaj. At no point in history have I looked at any female and thought to myself 'Man, that is a sweet space between her body parts. Just look at that background between her limbs. I could stare at that empty space all day.’ Actually, I’d kind of assumed the only people who needed a gap between their thighs were people who stored their testicles there.

But, hey, what do I know? I’m just a science guy. What could ‘science’ possibly tell us about the way humans and the world work? Nothing! If drawing attention away from yourself to whatever is directly behind you is the new sexy, then who am I to argue? It would certainly work wonders for New Miley.

So rather than fight the onward march of stupidity, I’ve jumped on board and developed several strategies for getting the void below your crotch you’d always dreamed of. Starting with the novice methods and leading up to more advance techniques, here are some of the best ways to increase the space between your quadriceps:
______________

1. Leg Spread.

Difficulty rating: 1%
Effectiveness: 99%

The leg spread is perhaps the easiest and most effective way of increasing your thigh gap. Just follow this 1-step plan to instantaneously improve your thigh gap:

Step 1: Increase the angle between your lower limbs.

image

Boom! Insta-thigh-gap. To further improve your thigh gap, simply repeat step 1.
______________

2. Toilet paper roll.

Difficulty: 3%
Effectiveness: 50%

Toilet-paper rolls are another great way to maintain a thigh gap. To increase effectiveness, simply insert more toilet paper rolls between the offending thighs.

image

For a more pronounced gap, try 6 inch-diameter piping.

______________

3. Thigh-strap.

Difficulty: 35%
Effectiveness: 51%

Any regular sporting tape or duct tape will do. Start from the inner thigh and pull tight around to the base of the buttocks, moving that thigh mass out of sight.

If this technique proves inefficient, try just wrapping your thighs up as tight as possible like a thigh-corset. If your legs start to tingle and go numb, don’t worry, that’s just the blood stopping its circulation through your lower body. Less blood = less thigh = more gap.

Alternately, wrap two belts around your thighs and attach them to your wristwatch(es?). Move your arms sideways and BAM - thigh gap! At least I’m pretty sure that’s what this guy is up to?

image

You’ll lose the use of your arms, but it’s a worthwhile trade for thigh-gap-on-demand.

______________

4. Straight Up Anorexia.

Difficulty: 80%
Effectiveness: 90%

It’s a horrible disease, but you can’t argue with the results.

______________

5. Genu Varum.

Difficulty: 99%
Effectiveness: 99.99%

This technique is so advanced it can’t be performed on humans above the age of 12 months. But if you really understand the beauty of a thigh gap, it’s only natural that you’ll want to bestow such a gift on your baby daughter.

What you’re going to need to do is starve your newborn of Vitamin D and calcium. This will ensure her bones don’t develop properly, leading to the sexiest of leg deformities: rickets. If you do it right, your lucky daughter will grow up to be the bow-legged Belle of the Ball. She’ll probably develop early on-set arthritis, but I think we can all agree it’s a small price to pay.

image_______________

There you have it; five effective ways to increase your thigh gaps. Because this is actually a thing that people care about now.

If You Needed Another Reason To Dislike Jehovah’s Witnesses
I live with my Dad, my sister, and my nephew. As some of you might know, my sister also had a daughter, Laila, who passed away this 4th of June at only 11 months old.

image

I can’t think of much worse than losing a child, but as if it wasn’t enough to lose Laila, only a few weeks later my sister’s iPhone was stolen. Having your phone stolen is a pain in the ass on any day, but it also happened to contain hundreds of unique pictures and many videos of Laila, many of which hadn’t been backed up and were, presumably, lost forever. 

In an effort to get those precious memories back, the local paper ‘The Penrith Press’ ran my sister’s story on the front cover, in the hopes that the thief would see whose phone they had, understand the significance of the media that was on it, and find the decency to hand it in.

The story finished with the suggestion that whoever had possession of the phone could drop it in to the Penrith Press and the phone would be returned to my sister, no questions asked.

Fast-forward to yesterday, and the Penrith Press contacts us to tell us that they have received a package to pass on to my sister. The package arrived at our house today: a small, bubble-wrapped bag, of promising weight and something square and solid inside. 

The package contained no return address; the sender (so far) anonymous. 

image

I knew it wasn’t wise to get my hopes up. But at the same time, I try to think logically; I asked myself, if it didn’t contain the phone, what other possible reason would someone have to send my sister an anonymous package via the Penrith Press?

Well, we opened it, and this is what it contained:

image

Maybe it’s just the heat of the moment - I also lost my grandfather two weeks ago and my emotions have been pretty all over the place lately - but surely I have a right to be angry.

What were they thinking? What were they expecting us to think, after receiving a blank, anonymous package from the Penrith Press? Of course the intention must have been that their brochures and inane dogma would bring us comfort, but they couldn’t have been more wrong. 

So honestly, am I wrong to think this was a moronic, insensitive thing for them to do??